Between Dogs? That Relationship Can Be Funky!

Why?

Genetics + past experiences + present environment all play a role.

Properly cared for dogs know that it’s their people who meet their desires, including social needs. Most dogs still enjoy the company of a canine friend or two, but random dogs you encounter on a walk or trail should be neutral, even for a pup. That is how we humans function, is it not? My young grandkids know that they can interact with peers in school, daycare, and the playground, but they don’t run up to every child they spot on an outing: “Hey, I am six. You look like you’re six too. Wanna play”? Ludicrous. Same rules with dogs. In fact, once an adult most dogs don’t want a stranger in their space, regardless how much effort you put into socializing. Our feral born Will was humanely trapped by a humane society when she was 10 weeks old and in good physical condition, which indicates that mom-dog was able to care for her whelps. In her foster homes and with us she only experienced benevolent dogs. We took great care that her experiences with new dogs were good too. Yet, once she reached social maturity she did not tolerate any unfamiliar dog in her bubble. If an especially bold one ignored her warning stares, she sharply clued him in, but it was not aggression. She never injured a dog and was, in fact, fantastic in schooling puppies and juveniles. Always appropriate, but not what is generally considered friendly. So your dog really doesn’t have to get along with every other random dog to be normal. Even some puppies don’t like other dogs in their space, and if they don’t as a pup, they likely never will. If you have such a dog, you’ll have to protect his space bubble for a lifetime. Otherwise, with each encounter beyond his comfort level, he will become more sensitized and defensive.

Realistically though, there are dogs you might want yours to get along with. Dogs who belong to friends and family, perhaps a dog you want to add to your family. After a proper introduction, which I’ll discuss a little farther down, group bonding activities are more important than play to foster a budding friendship. Professor, senior research fellow and head of the Dog Cognition Lab at Barnard College, Alexandra Horowitz, defines play as “an interaction between partners who are also functional in other contexts. Strolling and hikes on and off the leash, training games, and just hanging out, are critical components of a healthy relationship between dogs. This happens naturally when dogs see each other regularly or live in the same household, but it rarely happens at a daycare facility. Most in North America are too large, too many dogs in too small of a space without enough skilled staff to supervise and interfere correctly. Expecting our dogs to always harmonize with one another or settle their disputes peacefully is expecting something we intelligent humans often have trouble with. It’s up to people to ensure that an interaction between dogs is mutually rewarding—true play, and intervene when it is not.

The trademarks of socially normal play are:

Consent: all parties agree to a specific interaction and engage voluntarily. Each dog is aware of, and receptive to, the other’s slow it down or stop for a moment signals. Play pauses prevent that things get too heated. One dog briefly stops the interaction, which is respected by the other. Watch for that.

Self-restrained: some dogs level the playing field when they interact with a weaker or smaller partner, for example lie down. Not all dogs do this, but expressions that in other contexts are aggressive, are inhibited in play: pinning, neck and limb bites. Although some interactions can look horrid to the human eye, no harm is intended and none is done. For instance, jaw wrestling only takes place between dogs who know and like each other. There are a lot of teeth involved, and there must be already established trust before dogs agree to interact in that way.

Reciprocity: dogs alternate between chaser and chasee. And positions—sometimes one dog is on top, then the other. Tugging with a toy is a great game if it is about the interaction—then it is cooperative. When it is about the toy, it is competitive and can foster bullying behavior in the winner and animosity in the loser. Which is which? Watch what happens when the weaker partner lets go of the toy. Does the winner shove it back into the other dogs mouth? Then it’s play. If he walks away and defends it, it is about the object.

Play signals are present: stiffy is normally iffy, but tense body language can also be a prelude or part of play. But then the mouth is relaxed, open and lips pulled back. The play bow, front end down and bottom up, is a classic play invitation, and also periodically used during play when things get a little heated to reassure the other that it is still play. A play bow can also be a play-pause signal.

Note that all dogs want to play the same games—the dog version of me wanting to golf and my partner loving rugby. None of us would have a good time if we insisted on our preference, but we can agree on doing something else altogether. Dogs who don’t share the same play styles can still be buddies: hang out, trail and share sniffing spots, interact with their people.

Intervene when:

Players are too pumped if they are not aware of their surroundings any longer—your dog not responding to his name and isn’t following when you walk away.

One dog is not heeding to the other’s signals. Often these are the youngsters, but rowdiness is also learned—at dog parks and daycare facilities.

One dog tries to avoid interaction. Watch when play look a little rough whether the perceived ‘victim’ tries to get away or willingly stays in or reenters the game? Red flags are when a dog hides behind a person, plays close to people, becomes aggressive. In a multidog household it is also shutting down—the dog is retreating into himself. That is not sleeping or resting, but emotionally collapsing. The anxiety, albeit expressed in more acceptable ways for human criteria, is felt and very real.

Don’t take sides, but take action. That can include leashing one dog or both and providing them with something else to do, for example chewing a bone or stuffed food toy. Going for a walk is an option. Sometimes temporarily separating the dogs is necessary. The important part is that you don’t punish, and that you don’t leave it to the dogs to work it out. Let’s say, don’t if there is real fear and if disputes are ongoing. Such a relationship is distressing for both dogs and lingers: an old and feeble dog being attacked by one he lived with for many years suggests that their relationship was always underpinned by antagonism and suppressed anger. Felt anxiety can also be directed to a third, weaker, party.

The first encounter between dogs who don’t know each other lays the foundation for the relationship. To prevent an antagonistic one, it’s best to introduce them to each other on neutral ground. Both dogs leashed, starting at a distance where each dog is aware of the other but has shared attention, meaning they also are interested in their environment, and you. Another sign is that the dogs aren’t pulling—to get to the other or away. People can be a nice barrier for fearful dogs, so bring the whole family. Just don’t coerce a “watch me”—being able to observe the other is also important. The shared attention.

If you don’t have this casual shared attention, you are too close. Increase the distance, a few steps at a time.

Don’t in any way manipulate the dogs’ communication. Not with a choker or a cookie. You want to know what is really going on—how the dogs feel about each other. Check out this fantastic video clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOx9GfVGDLI Chiraq Patel is one of my favorite people, and you can find more cool stuff on his website domesticatedmanners.com

Parallel walking is often what’s recommended, but it depends on the dog. There are dogs who feel more relaxed when they can walk behind the other, or in front, and with some standing still works best Accommodate what the dogs need. As they become more familiar with each other, are able to gain information without being forced to get too close, decrease the distance gradually, casually closing in and moving out again.

If you can get close enough for a sniff, both dogs loose and fluid in their body language, count to 3 and then weave out again. Encourage your dog to move with you; don’t jerk on the leash.

Don’t interrupt pee-sniffing. As seen in Chiraq’s video clip, dogs intentionally leave information for the other. Make sure your dog reads it and can reply if he chooses to.

Before the dogs are let off their leashes, you want to see consistent loose and fluid body language, no stress signals, and each dog heeding to the other’s signals.

Depending on the dogs, this can take time and repeated setups. In the photo you see our Bowie and a friend’s cattle dog puppy Jeb.

It took a few controlled meetings before Bowie was comfortable with Jeb so close to him.

Taking your time in the beginning really does save you time later because you don’t have to undo mistakes. Negative experiences, which includes dogs being punished for distress expressions, creates and fosters animosity. No handler switching either—each person is fully attentive to their own dog.

In this early stage you don’t need treats because treats interfere with learning about the other. Once the dogs are acquainted, bring food and toys into the mix, but do it in a way that generates a positive association to the other in the context of resources—each dog is provided with by their respective person.

When the new dog first enters the other’s home, leashes are on to prevent that the incoming dog is checking out the other’s stuff. Experienced, but also perceived, scarcity brings about determined resource defenders. Loss aversion means that animals, including humans, behave more intensely when they are already in possession of something important, and for our dogs the immaterial safe space, the home, is of paramount importance. Dogs have to be good friends before they readily share their stuff, their space, and their people. This is again how we function: likely your closest friends and family members can check out your bar and hug your loved one, but if I would do that moments after I entered because you hired me it’d be utterly unacceptable. I’d be rude. Dogs checking out a new joint aren’t rude. They are curious and it is normal, but for the resident’s dog still a problem.

Although dogs can perceive any other animal as a resource rival, it is most common between dogs. Dogs are competing from the day they are born. While dog-mom is nourisher and littermates entertainment, the latter also crowd the same milk bar. In a multi-dog home, this continues because dogs are still after the same must-haves. Less so water because that typically isn’t a limited a resource, but again food, and bones and toys, but also something less tangible that is of high value: social belonging and acceptance, the humans connection and interaction.

Whenever a dog experiences pain or owner disapproval, loss of their attention or a possession, with the appearance of another, the natural suspicion that other might be a rival is confirmed—and aggression worsens. At one point it doesn’t matter whether the other dog (or cat) is contesting or just happens to be near; in the guarder’s mind, the threat is real.

Solutions!

As is the case with all other behavioral issues, if we want harmony we have to focus on the emotions and not the expressions. With resource insecurity we have to turn perceived (or real) competition into cooperation. In a nutshell, life has to become better because the other shows up: more stuff, better stuff, more attention from their humans.

When a new dog moves in, the resident’s routine should stay the same.

Entertaining the new puppy is not the older dog’s job; it’s the people’s. Don’t allow the pup to pester the senior, and set-up a safe getaway space that is not segregated from the family,

Superficial dominance rituals, like who you feed first, are irrelevant. As the human you are in control of all resources, but you must distribute fairly—which isn’t necessarily equally. Rather, it is predictably providing what each dog needs most at the moment. That can include feeding the newly rescued dog who experienced food scarcity first. We were a foster home for a few years way back when, and this is exactly what typically unfolded: our dogs experienced life in paradise for a number of years and were able to wait for a few moments without becoming distressed. Fairly also includes protecting each dog’s possession: whatever they have in their mouth, and one resting spot where they aren’t disturbed.

When you give one dog attention, do it fully. Address that dog by name, turn your body toward him, focus only on him. Don’t shift your gaze even if another rudely pushes in, because the moment you do you not only reinforce the interloper, but also prove to the dog you are interacting with that your attention ceases with the appearance of the other. You confirm that, indeed, the other is a rival for your attention. So continue to interact with the dog you are interacting with for a few more moments, then give her a “wait”—tell her that her job now is to watch but not move—and then interact with the other dog. Back and forth it goes. If one dog is already possessive of you, begin and end with her and sandwich the other in.

The take-away message is that if you aim to turn competition into cooperation, the dogs must become the announcers for each other that of something wonderful is about to happen.

You can set this up as an exercise: helper with dog the leash appears, your dog gets what he loves best the moment he notices. Dog leaves, loot is tucked away. Intersperse this with only the person approaching—no treats, and then again person with the dog—treats happen again. That way you make it clear that it is indeed the dog who predicts the loot, not the person. Of course the other dog gets something too from her person.

Also take advantage of naturally situations. When we adopted Bowie, Will was 12—a border collie/shepherd mix. Will thought Bowie joining us was a good idea from the get-go, and he showed no animosity toward her, but nevertheless, in the first few weeks when Bowie was hanging out in the kitchen when I prepared food I called Will to join us. The moment her head bobbed around the corner I started feeding Bowie tidbits from the counter, and Will got her share too. This wouldn’t have changed even if one dog or the other had expressed signals of displeasure, for example growled. It really is solely about the association.

Experiencing life in paradise, again, can make a difference. I am a huge fan of always accessible toy boxes, and in a multi-dog home one more box than dogs. Initially fill it with items the dogs are curious about but not enough of a deal to fight over. As NOT fighting is practiced and reinforced, increasingly more valuable things can be added. However, a small fraction of dogs become more distressed with resource overload. These dogs are compelled to be in control of every toy and the more there are, the more overwhelmed and frantic they become. If you have such a dog, still provide regularly, but in a controlled way: only one or two items in the beginning. For example, a daily bone or stuffed Kong with each dog their bed/mat, and tethered out of teeth range.

In general, until everyone harmonizes leashes in the house can be your best friend. During mealtime each dog experiences that they can eat in peace. Ditto when they get a food toy or bone. Of course you can also segregate your dogs completely, but then you will always have to do that because they never learn that their stuff is safe in the vicinity of each other.

This positive and non-punitive approach holds when you are out and about. Remember that random dogs should be neutral to your dog. Realistically space is only controlled when dogs are on the leash, and then not all of the time. That ‘friendly’ dog on the retractable leash exists. Off the leash many dogs are even less under the control of their humans. When a dog imposes himself, keep your attention on your dog, and ignore the other. Reassure her. Treats or toy at this point? That is only a good idea with dogs who won’t escalate because of the additional resource they are compelled to defend. But then it can work very well. Our border collie was a lot better meeting unfamiliar dogs with a ball in his mouth. If that’s not your dog, keep his treasures in your pocket but shower him with love.

Note: a dog has the right to growl another away when he has his ball in his mouth. That measured warning is normal behavior, and if the other is socially normal will get that hint and buzz off. If he doesn’t things could get heated, but then the fault is with the other socially dog, and ultimately his human who didn’t call him away. However, here, too, you can help your dog feel secure about her stuff. Have a second ball you can give your dog if a rowdy Rover steals hers. Let her experience that it’s not a big deal when a toy is lost and she doesn’t have to distress and aggress.