Rather, not in the way it is commonly understood and applied. For socializing to be effective, from the human's point of view, it must be dog-led. Otherwise you create a shitload of problems you haven't bargained for.
How does one do it right? Read on. And, for that matter, below applies to the pup as well as the newly adopted dog regardless of age.
In short
Exposure has to happen at the dog’s comfort level. In other word: the dog has to feel safe. Not be safe by people’s criteria, but feel safe. That is the only factor that matters. In the photo you see me hubby Mike and Bowie watching humans on stilts. Even though Bowie was an adult then, this was a completely new encounter for him. So we made sure that we were a distance away that allowed him to watch and process, and that he had the support of someone he trusted.
The long version
First, the dog must be given time to acclimate to her new home. Not being physically segregated, but allowed the time to find safety in a routine: “That’s where I eat, that’s where I sleep, that’s where I potty, that’s how I fit into this new group”, and so on. No demands. We need to create the security that all basic needs are met to free the brain for learning new stuff. However long that takes depends on the dog. Sorry folks: there isn’t a so many days, so many weeks, template.
Although associative learning is more important with a young pup and newly adopted dog than operant obedience, you can introduce cues in these early days. Not sit which people have an irrational obsession with, but leave, drop it, wait, and follow. Teach gently and playfully. Absolutely no corrections. Feeling safe in her new world is priority, and for that to happen the new dog can’t do anything wrong. Managing—there is such a thing as a leash—keeps the dog out of real trouble.
Gently, though, introduce minor variations within the home. Dogs understand patterns. Another word is routine and a routine is anchoring, but we don’t want a dog so stuck in a narrow rut of normalcy that she freaks out with the slightest detail change.
You want your new dog to get acquainted with the idea that sometimes unfamiliar to her people enter the turf. Randomly, and not every day, invite family and friends to drop in. If you don’t have children, borrow some. Tell all your guests to initially ignore your dog. No treats needed either. The end game is that human visitors aren’t a big deal, and if we are successful we will neither get a fear response nor anticipatory excitement and over-aroused jumping and barking when the doorbell rings. What about dog? Unless there is an existing fear and provided the canine guest is socially normal, your friends can bring their pooch with. That could trigger some happy arousal, and that’s okay. Let them play, but also practice just hanging out. Each dog could get a Kong or other stationary food toy in their own space, learning to ignore what the other has. Initially, you might need a leash for that.
Also randomly and not every day, change things up a bit within the home setting. My rule of thumb: 90% stays the same to retain that safe anchor, and 10% changes. Exiting and entering from a different door is change, feeding at a different spot (but not a different time—basic need food has to be predictable), and introducing new foods (carefully). You could place something arbitrary you found in the basement in the yard, rearrange a piece of furniture in the house, borrow a large vase from a neighbor for half a day.
No coaxing, no treats. Just let your dog be curious about it at her own pace. Curiosity is a sign of good welfare. A curious dog is neither fearful at that moment nor uncontrollably fired up—investigating in that frame of mind isn’t possible.
Don’t inhibit your dog’s natural curiosity, even if you don’t always like what he is curious about. Safety first, but aside from that, let your dog check things out. Familiarity with many things leads to readily acceptance of new things. Conversely, preventing, or worse yet correcting, a dog for being curious carries the risk of making him nervous of, and consequently reactive to, novelties in the future = neophobic. In that sense, be cognizant of where you are taking your dog. Investigating is not possible in a pet store because we can’t allow the pup to put his teeth on all that enticing loot that’s within reach, and being restrained is frustrating. The whole experience is not good. Choosing a dog friendly hardware store where sniffing and exploring can be allowed is better.
This gentle introduction of new things continues outside. Orchestrate opportunities that evoke curiosity, and then let your dog figure things out by himself. Free sniffing is a component here, but also watching with the eyes. When something catches a dog’s attention they are not certain about they halt. An older dog might simply stop moving, a pup often sits without being asked to. Let it unfold. Don’t interrupt that process or you interfere with that important observational and social learning. Some owners combine the appearance of every new stimulus with a treat or a game of tug with the idea that their pooch associates new stimuli with something good, and science-wise this makes sense, but our companion dogs don’t live in a science lab. They live in our complex world, and distracting or interrupting is not socializing. When you overshadow when your dog is trying to learn about all the normal occurrences in his surroundings, he could be spooked by them later. Things you thought he was familiarized with because you exposed him, seemingly trivial to you like a parked car or a garden flag, could scare the crap out of your juvenile because real learning about it never took place. True story.
Curiosity is one critical aspect in socializing; choice is the other. Choice means the freedom to retreat, and to say “no “ when being approached.
Let’s take a moment and examine what being social means.
Against conventional belief, it is not being everyone’s best friend or accept rude impositions from others, but to function in the environment one lives in without anxiety or hyper-excitement--which is tied into frustration when access is denied. The goal with our dogs is that environmental stimuli are perhaps briefly paid attention to, but then regarded as irrelevant to their life. That is how we define being social for ourselves, do we not? A friendly nod and hello from a fellow human we encounter on a walk is nice, but we aren’t interested in being groped or having a long chat. Unless you live in the Canadian Maritimes. Then a long chat with a stranger is perfectly normal. But being groped still isn’t.
Unfortunately being groped without asking for consent is exactly how socializing is still widely implemented with our dogs. Especially puppies and the under 20 pounders are regarded as fair game to be touched. What often unfolds is that the human at the loop end of the leash restrains while the general public is incoming, hands-outstretched’n’all, with or without their kids and dogs, and no one pays any heed to whether the recipient feels threatened. Feeling threatened is the opposite of feeling safe, and the next time this dog is out and about she’s already guarded. Sensitized, instead of socialized. And this “nice” person with the outstretched hand offering a treat doesn’t make a dang difference.
If you want your dog to feel comfortable being in the environment, her space bubble must be respected. Safety issues are space issues. For all animals. We clearly get that when it comes to us. Our daughter is afraid of spiders. She can deal with one in the opposite corner of the room she’s in, but not when crawls toward her. Another example: I would not get used to being hugged by a stranger if hubby lined up 20 stranger to hug me. While he holds on to me so I can’t move. What if each one handed over a 100 bucks? Hm? 2.000 bucks for being hugged? Maybe I’d take the moolah, but I would still NOT like being hugged by a stranger. And not trust my hubby. And kick the first person in the shins who doesn’t pay me.
Because choice to walk away isn’t an option for a dog on a leash, the onus is on the person to act on their dog’s behalf. In nature young animals have the backup of their elders when they bravely put themselves out there. For the owned dog, that secure base to explore from is the person they are with. Relinquishing safety to another requires a huge amount of trust, so you must be that refuge to return to consistently. The more this happens, the more your dog socially references to you—look for information when he is uncertain, and follow your taught cues instead of ‘attacking’ the problem.
If your dog says no, it is no. Insist that the ‘friendly’ person who wants to say hello doesn’t come closer. Making absolutely no eye contact but instead being fully attentive to your dog while you move on sends a strong social signal that you aren’t up for chit-chat. If you want to send a verbal signal, say that your dog is in training. An outstretched hand arm-length directed toward makes what you do congruent with what you say. I find that either way works well. Telling people that your dog is fearful seems to draw them even closer.
Oh, and don’t feel bad or guilty. Your dog is an emotional and sentient being, and not an antidepressant for strangers or entertainment for their dog or kid.
What this felt safe distance is depends on the dog. Less with bold dogs who have no existing fears, more with cautious dogs and ones who have an existing fear already. Other than having a larger space bubble, they also need more time to observe and process. But even with a bold dog, don’t rush things. Novelty in itself can make one feel a bit queasy. Harking back to the human comparison, travelling to foreign lands, starting a new job, attending a social event where most guests are strangers, is exciting—and at the same time for most of us also a little unnerving. For some a lot.
Watch your dog when she is presented with something new. Learn to understand her and listen, and if she needs more space, create it. A few steps can be enough. Then let her observe and process from that farther distance if she wants to.
And then…there could be a something suddenly popping up that surprises and scares your dog. Or you don’t have enough distance. Life is life. In that case, get through the situation as quickly as you can. Change the situation for your dog. Get out of there. Back to safety, and that might be the home or car, or just a quieter surroundings where you can continue the walk.
Keeping all that at the fore, take your dog to many places: walks in your ‘hood, multi-use on-leash parks, towns and cities, new to you subdivisions, boardwalks, restaurant patios, places where there are buskers and street musicians.
Switch between quieter spots and busier places, or just quieter spots if that is all your dog can handle at the moment.
Sit on a park bench with your pup by your side or on your lap and watch the world go by. Maybe share an ice cream or have a picnic.
Take your dog to places frequented by children. Playgrounds and schools during recess are good options because the kiddos are busy doing their own thing and chances are less that they’ll crowd your dog. Again, it is exposure only: allowing your dog to watch what young humans do—skip, run, screech, flail arms, mock fall, make snow angels.
Little known fact, you need neither group classes nor puppy socials to end up with a well-mannered furry sidekick, but if you go, make sure that choice is still in place. Sadly, the North American norm is to thrust the pup or newly adopted dog into a room full of strangers and expect them to learn right away; to sit on command and focus on the handler. If he doesn’t, depending which philosophy the facility follows he loses out on the treats or kibble or experiences pain when corrected. If your dog is already fearful of dogs, don’t go at all. Exposure has to be one dog at a time, starting with a very gentle socially savvy pooch. It is a lot easier for a fearful dog to read one other dog than several.
Along that line, here is my take on dog parks and daycare. I know you want to know.
If you find a really good daycare who pays attention to individual welfare and compatible playgroups, or a dog park were all owners are respectful and have their dogs trained enough to have verbal control, then take your dog there once-in-awhile if, and that is key, he already is social. These are not places to learn to be social because the key determinant to feeling safe = choice, is difficult to impossible to uphold there. Some parks and large crowded daycare facilities are like Lord of the Flies dog version. Protect your dog from that. I like private playdates with compatible friends better. That is enough to meet a dog’s social needs with peers, and some dogs, like Bowie, prefer humans period. Bowie was able to co-exist with dogs, but never interested in any interaction.
The take aways
“The more—the better” is the wrong approach with a pup and newly adopted older dog. You cannot make up for lost time with an overload of stimuli. It’s not the 100 hands-a-touching in the first 3 months that makes a dog trust hands, but experiencing that hands are gentle and don’t force restraint. Granted, veterinarians and groomers don’t have all day, but even there we have a movement that gears toward consent whenever possible.
Key to proper socializing is the right kind of stimuli in the right amount at the right distance—and I want to add the right time. Trigger stacking is a thing. Don’t throw something else at your dog when his cup is already full.
The more encounters a dog can check off as safe, the safer she will feel (and be) in the future. Focus on that, and give your dog the choice to walk away. Stranger people and dogs on a walk should never matter more than your dog feeling safe.
Don’t be under time pressure if you have a new pup. True, there are these first 20 or so impressionable weeks in a dog’s life, but if her experiences are perceived as aversive and scary, the outcome is as detrimental as if she were kept in isolation.
One more thing: protecting is not babying. Your dog doesn’t need your pity, but for you to make decisions on his behalf. It is a myth that by paying attention to fear you reinforce fear and make your dog more fearful in the future. Imagine you are afraid of heights and find yourself stuck halfway up a ladder, frozen shut. Would your fear disappear just because everyone on the ground ignored you? How would that change if someone would assure you, guide you rung by rung back on solid ground? Likewise, each time we help our dog out of a pickle; each time we increase distance, change the situation, or direct her into an action that brings about a feeling of safe—trained cues can be part of that—she gains trust in us and confidence in being able to deal with the situation. When socializing is done right, a dog develops a sense of safety in general, and then he’ll be able to deal with an occasional stressful event without it having a lasting adverse impact. Distressing moments here and there are unavoidable for most of us, but if the foundation is solid, mastering little stressors together can increase the bond. You must be your dog’s ally even if he just behaved badly. All he did was express that he felt overstimulated or overwhelmed, in any case distressed, and it’s exactly then when he needs your support the most. If you take the stranger’s side, where does that leave your dog?
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